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[Mar. 5th, 2006|10:36 pm] |
So I've experienced the horror (pronouced 'hor-ah') of a geometry tournament over the weekend. And so, for entertainemtn, we took to staring at random people until the grew uncomfortable under our eyes and trying to solve the extremely hard problems. But the most fun of all, was devising plans of escape.
1) Launch large baby male walrus into said speaker about 15 feet above head. Let Erica and other math geniuses translate the number of swings the pendalum like object will take to break off and fly into the direction of the math projecter. Causing it to become broken and incapable of showing math problems.
2)Import vampires in from transylvania, after enlisting the Math God's help of figuring out mathematically how to block out the sun using clouds, where said Vampires will proceed to kill everyone who stands in our way as we flee via a large cloud of bats
3) Take pencil used to stab self in artery, and propel it at large rotating fan in the center of the gymnasium. After hitting the rotating blades, it will richochete into the bulb of projector and blow up, killing the first row of people.
4) Employ super secret Ninjas to burst in through the 4 skylights, swing down onto the main floor, and annihilate the projector which is displaying the math problems
5) Enlist the aide of the Penguin Queen, A.K.A. myself, and have the miniscule penguin troops gain magical flying powers to fly to said math tournament and use super mind powers causing the gymnasium to flood with water, thus destroying the projector, and killing all of those whom cannot swim.
6) Travel back in time using the wormhole located in the middle of the gym floor, kidnap Charles Dickens, murder him using only a melon, climb up in the ventalaion system and drop his cold corpse from a strategic place in the ceiling so that he falls onto the projector thus enabling it from working and preventing the morbid literary work known as David Copperfield from ever being written
7) Use a super secret gnome whistle located in the purse of Brittany Herring and blow it. Moments later, millions of gnomes shall pop through the center floor of the Gymnasium from carefully hidden burrows in the ground. Immiediately, the will attack all math students, except for those of Pelham high of course, and cause a riotous rampage destroying everythig and everyone in their path.
8)We have the black eyed peas enter and sing the song My Humps. which results in either a) everyone drops to the ground in pain or b) everyone starts dancing and we slip out the door
9) Swashbuckling pirates, will bust through the ceiling, falling upon the distracted mathians, pillaging and plundering them of all items of value, especially pocket protectors, they really appreciate those. Immediately following, they will rip the overhead projectors from their positions on the floor, as well as kidnapping the Math god and seling him on Ebay for a hefty ransom.
10) air seal all the windows and doors, and using the ventalation system, release a gas which will make everyone, except us and the PHS people, believe that they are Power Rangers and Ninja Turtles. Thus a huge battle would commence between the two sides. During the commotion, a ninja star will become lodged into the bulb of the projector causing it to explode, killing most of those in the immediate vicinity allwogin us to escape.
11) Somehow release a miniature circus into the geometry tournament, thus activating the intense and obvious phobia of clowns. While clowns wreak havoc, causing seizures and the like, a giant elephant will descend from the bleachers and crush the projecter, disabling it from further use.
12) zapp a chemistry teacher with a tazer and stealing his/her clothes and ID tag to steal sodium from the chemistry lab. Put said chemical into extremely large jug of water next to a window and blow out the rather sharp glass, enabling us to repel out of window and hijack a rather nasty looking yellow school bus and driving like heck.
13) A person of extreme popularity and little mind calibur will calmly walk through the glass double doors, down the bleachers, and into the center of the gymnasium, comanding the attention of everyone present in the room. He will slowly take a seat in one of the cold plastic chairs on the geometry side of said room and begin working on the current problem on the projector. Minutes later, he will raise the slip of peper and it will be taken up and checked, only to be found correct. In this exact moment, the Math god's head will explode and the rest of the world along with him. This is how te world and geometry competition shall end. |
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